Koyaanisqatsi

Koyaanisqatsi means "life out of balance". It is a word in Hopi language of Aztecs of Arizonian desert. I wonder how weird can people get in coining words. I also wonder how weirdly I encounter such words at the exact time, when I need them the most. Although I keep forgetting words and often fumble for the appropriate vocabulary in general conversations, koyaanisqatsi is the word I must have been looking at this moment.

Six years ago, I could not imagine studying at IIMA. Five years ago, I could not imagine living away from home sweet home so easily. Four years ago, I could not imagine surviving IIMA. Three years ago, I could not imagine a thesis topic falling in my lap like that. Two years ago, I could not imagine completing my thesis ever. Just one year ago, I could not imagine that life can go wrong anywhere. And yet, here I am, where I cannot imagine that this is actually happening. I cannot imagine that now life will get right anywhere... ever!!

I am alone and I am lonely, unsatisfied and stranded in almost every aspect of life. I often argued with friends that just by being positive, patient, and persistent, life will get on the right track, that life will find the desired paths, that life will set itself right. I realize now how frivolous my argument was. I realize how hollow my hopes were. I was out of balance, for I was so damn positive and optimistic in the worst phases of life. I forgot I can fall from such a height. The fact is, the higher you fly, the harder you fall. I am again out of balance for so much hopelessness.

I wonder how they coined the term and I am living it. Koyaanisqatsi forever!

Some more random thoughts

What is the title of this post?? Is it "some more + random thoughts" or "some + more random + thoughts"?

I loved her 'coz she was there (and you were not).
Now I love her 'coz she is not here (and you are).

The phantom of our past is haunting our future.

If I tell everyone what I think of them, most will commit suicide. And vice versa.

If a song is remixed and the remix is released before the original, will the original be called a remix?

I am confused...
as if that is a news.
And even if it is, what does it matter!

All that can be said has been said.

Diary

Like everything else I like, I am obsessed with my diaries also. I used to write diary pretty regularly for more than a decade till a few days back. Somehow, that is not the case for some time now. I wrote in February just once and nothing after that.

It's not that there is any dearth of material for writing in diary. In fact, I used to write anything and everything so it never mattered much whether I have anything substantial or not. My diary was always the place, where I shared everything with me. And it is not the writer's block - I've been writing blog aplenty.

At a deeper level, I realize that it is not writing I am evading from. It is facing myself that I am evading from. Why... I don't want to face this question either!!!

Adios Amigos

I used to think that 'best friends' and 'friends for life' are found in innocent school days and in laid back graduation days only and that people in competitive and professional places like IIMA cannot become as close. I couldn't be more wrong.

One of my FPM batchmates left us few hours ago for his onwards journey and another one of us will leave in few hours. I never thought I would be getting senti for the people I so rarely hangout with... I cannot imagine what will happen for the people I so dearly hangout with.

And just before leaving, this friend created another page of cherishing memory. Coming back from a late night movie, I slept at two. And just two hours later, in the midst of my dream, there was a banging on the door.... a hazy one at first and then a loud one. I jumped out of bed - sleepy, shocked, and aghast. As I was alone in the whole dorm, I was afraid too and there wasn't a soul in site. And then there was giggling - two of them banged the door and were hiding. That was meant for a little farewell fun and I absolutely gave them what they wanted - a shocked face, a frozen voice, and some shocked "who's there... who's this" calls. As I regained my senses and we sat chatting, we decided to knock the door of other friends too.

As we sat chatting at 530 in morning after some more knocks (thanks to me that there were no more door-banging), we recalled a lot of old things - the initial days and the ends, the hangouts and stresses, the closeness and estrangements, the dreams and nostalgia... and what not... I am no longer a student and I never again will be. These are the buddies of my last student days. I am nostalgic for those days, for these friends, for this campus... but I do not feel sad. To me, farewells do not mean forgetting or moving on... they spell cherishing and missing people for life.