Koyaanisqatsi

Koyaanisqatsi means "life out of balance". It is a word in Hopi language of Aztecs of Arizonian desert. I wonder how weird can people get in coining words. I also wonder how weirdly I encounter such words at the exact time, when I need them the most. Although I keep forgetting words and often fumble for the appropriate vocabulary in general conversations, koyaanisqatsi is the word I must have been looking at this moment.

Six years ago, I could not imagine studying at IIMA. Five years ago, I could not imagine living away from home sweet home so easily. Four years ago, I could not imagine surviving IIMA. Three years ago, I could not imagine a thesis topic falling in my lap like that. Two years ago, I could not imagine completing my thesis ever. Just one year ago, I could not imagine that life can go wrong anywhere. And yet, here I am, where I cannot imagine that this is actually happening. I cannot imagine that now life will get right anywhere... ever!!

I am alone and I am lonely, unsatisfied and stranded in almost every aspect of life. I often argued with friends that just by being positive, patient, and persistent, life will get on the right track, that life will find the desired paths, that life will set itself right. I realize now how frivolous my argument was. I realize how hollow my hopes were. I was out of balance, for I was so damn positive and optimistic in the worst phases of life. I forgot I can fall from such a height. The fact is, the higher you fly, the harder you fall. I am again out of balance for so much hopelessness.

I wonder how they coined the term and I am living it. Koyaanisqatsi forever!