Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Yes, I know I write a lot about myself but believe me, I think a lot more about myself than I write about myself. Didn't you notice one of my post labels read 'Narcissus'. But I am not self- obsessed for nothing as most of us are. I talk so much about myself just because I like talking about interesting and important people (well, to me at least).
OK, PJs apart, I am not as self-obsessed as I may seem. In fact, I have been deft in proving a dork of myself, that is - knowingly and intentionally too. And I have had cracked quite a few practical jokes on myself, just to make some special folks smile. I re-realized this when I read some old mails and found a few of the jokes I used to crack on myself.
One of my most oft repeated one (well, most of them are) is "Had my teeth been just a little larger, I'd have sold them for elephant tusks." And another one "my face is so oily, I fear USA might attack it".
One was during the lazy summer days, when I used to watch at least a movie a day. I wrote in an e-mail, "When I watch a movie, I feel guilty of not studying and I can't study when i feel guilty. so i go on to watch another movie, which makes me even more guilty and ......the cycle goes on."
And whenever I cook, I recall the first time I cooked a full meal at home - the 'parantha' made a 'tannnn...nnn...nn..n' sound as I placed it on my plate. But since the first time, I've learnt a lot and now I am a lot less pathetic cook, so my latest RCP (Repeat CP - sort of gobbledygook for IIMA people, so if you are not one, leave it) is - "Wah (with a big Waaahhh!!!), kya khana hai! Man karta hai ki banane wale ke haath choom loon." As a matter of fact, I do :D.
And being a cleanliness-freak, there is a lot about that as well. Like - how I emphasize on keeping my doormat on 17 inch from the door, 21 inch from the wall, and equally divided by the line between first and second floor-stone. Just because of this simple aesthetic sense, some people believe I have OCD, i.e. - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I mean, what the heck man!! Ain't you misunderestimating (sic) me??? Au-contraire, I think I have not only OCD but also schizophrenia, social anxiety disorder, narcissistic personalty disorder, avoidant personality disorder, neurasthenia, Asperger syndrome, separation anxiety disorder, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, borderline personalty disorder etc. etc. At the end of it all, I was told I am just hypochondriac. How disappointing for an aspiring psychopath.
But to forget yet another failure, I crack another joke on myself and laugh on...
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Charandas, the thief, commits jokingly to a sage that he will never ride an elephant in a procession, will never eat in a golden vessel, will never marry a queen, and will never accept to be a king. All four being improbables for a thief, the sage asks him for one more promise - of speaking truth always. Charandas agrees to that. Fate brings him to all four opportunities - the queen, impressed by the truthfulness of Charandas, invites him to the palace riding on an elephant in a procession and to dine with her in a golden plate. He denies both. Even more impressed, the queen proposes her to marry and become the king of the land. He denies that too. Finally, queen requests him not to tell this to anybody that a thief rejected the queen for marriage. Charandas says that if somebody asks he cannot lie. The queen threatens him of death but Charandas remains firm on his commitments. The queen kills Charandas, the thief.
Part Two: L'Etranger (or) The Outsider
Meursault, a French in Algeria kills an Arab by mistake. He is trialled for murder. A chaplain insists him to confess in the name of God and set himself free. Meursault says he does not believe in God. The chaplain insists that it doesn't matter, even if he doesn't believe but he must say so to save his own life. Meursault says that he cannot lie and gets a death sentence.
Part Three: The Martyrs
Charandas and Meursault are no less than martyrs. Both of them sacrificed their lives for truth. They made a commitment - to oneself or to others, and stood by that. To me, they are no less than martyrs who die for values, for truth, for justice, for rights. They could have saved their lives easily with just one lie. But then, I guess, they would have had to die a million deaths with the burden of a lie in their heart. To them, it was better to die for what they believed to be right than to live with what they didn't. And to me too.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
How would this world look like without me?? Better?? Worse?? Even better?? Even worse?? As it happens with everyone, I cannot judge myself either. It is better left to others - unto them whom I have caressed or harassed, kissed or kicked, loved or loathed...
But I got a feeling that something somewhere has gone wrong - terribly wrong. The real problem is that I really don't understand anything of it - when, what, where, and how? On second thoughts, I feel even more terrible - I seem to know it.
I guess, the world would have been a much, much better place without me...at least for me.
As Ghalib said:
ना होता मैं तो क्या होता
and the tumult stretches itself even further...to force me to write:
रहा गम मुझे अपने होने का लेकिन
अगर मैं हूँ तो इसमें मेरी खता क्या
Thursday, November 1, 2007
So don't fear
if you hear
a foreign sound
to your ear
It's alright Ma,
I'm only sighing!!
Some apt line comes to my mind:
इलाही फिर मज़ा क्या है तेरी दुनिया में रहने का
हयात-ए-जाविदा मेरी ना मरग-ए-नागहा मेरी
किसी मौसम का झोंका था
जो इस दीवार पर लटकी हुई तस्वीर तिरछी कर गया है।
बस तेरा नाम ही मुकम्मल है
इस से बेहतर भी नज़्म क्या होगी।