Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Its life and life only...

As Bob Dylan said, or rather, sang - it's alright, Ma, it's life, and life only!!!

Yeah, I know I have been off for more than a month now and haven't written anything in my birth month thus far but it doesn't imply, by any means, that I have not been willing or have not been trying to write. In fact, there is a lot to write and I tried my hands several times at that stuff but that is simply too much to handle and then, everything can't be put in the constraints of 26 letters.
I have been traversing and still going through a turmoil of thoughts - a thinking process which is changing, or may be, has already changed the road map of my entire life. And the irony is that there is no scope for outsider's perspective - I can't tell anyone anything about that. In fact, I wonder if I can tell all that even to myself. I just couldn't share any of it - neither my earlier plans or the direction of those nor the changed amalgam of ideas and plans nor the factors or events that contributed to the change nor the thought process that culminated in the change. The only thing I can share is that that turmoil is still inside me - and I am still in the process of change - don't know for better or for worse.
I guess thats why I still like my good old diary much more than blogging. I can tell my diary everything and in fact, I have - well, most of it. May be in retrospect - 3 or 5 years from now, all these things on which I am putting so much weight and value, and letting them determine the path of my life will become frivolous or worth a laugh only like many have had; or may be, these will become milestones of my life - the watersheds of my life. I don't know what future holds but whatever that be, I understand that this time at least, it is beyond my control and ironically, it's in the control of those who are completely unaware of it all. But nonetheless, I am striving for the best by doing things as good as I can - Karmanyevadhikaaraste mafaleshu kadachan!!!
And in any case, it's life, and life only.


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