Two years ago...

Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.  

J. Robert Oppenheimer

Two years ago, this day -  I gave my thesis seminar. That went well.

Two years ago, this day - I made a phone call. That was not attended. 

Two years ago, this day, I sent an SMS. I got a reply.

But that reply... That reply closed a door. 

That reply gave me strength. 

That reply made sure that I had to move on.  

I left myself there. 

I moved on.

I wish something else had happened. 

उसकी उम्मीद-ए-नाज़ का 

हमसे ये मान था कि आप 

उम्र गुज़ार दीजिये

उम्र गुज़ार दी गयी !!!!

The Year That Was

कल फ़िर इक सुबह ऐसी आयेगी 

दिन नहीं बदलेंगे, तारीख बदल जायेगी

It happens like this only - dates and years keep changing, days don't. These commoners think that by saying a few happy new year wishes, their days will also change. Haa...!!

People want to believe that 2011 was specially bad because a lot of great personalities passed away. Osama Bin Laden and Moammar Gadhafi, for example. Hosni Mubarak didn't die but at least thrown out and this has entailed more than normal bloodshed in Egypt. Well, Osama and Gadhafi were there for population control and now, Post-Mubarak Egypt and Ante-Assad Syria are doing that job gleefully. However, demise of Donald Neilson, the English serial killer, made me specially sad. I think the English should dedicate their killing of EU countries 'serially' to the 'sacred' memory of Neilson. And Kim Jong-il - what had that innocent poor man did except tormenting the world to die such a young age of 69 (nice age to die BTW)!! So this was all where the bad stuff stops.

But 2011 had a lot of consolation to offer. For example, a 'Pirate of Silicon Valley' too passed away - he stole designs, abused people, charged for free stuff, overpriced paid stuff, and yet, thr morons who could never even dream of buying an APPLE product wept their eyes out. And undoubtedly, the worthiest news was the sad, lonely, and away from India death of Mother F***** Hussain - the bastard painter!!

However, irony lived closer home than one may imagine. People wrote long obituaries for Dev Anand, who copied Gregory Peck for long and then, was dead for about 20 years now. Well, after making 'Awwal Number' in 1990, all he made was poor cinema and great efforts at money laundering. That reminds me of our marketing prof, who told us a story. He asked his guide about a senior colleague and got a reply that he passed away a year back. When he contested the information by citing his meeting two days back, he was told that that senior colleague hasn't published a thing in a year; and hence, dead!

Anyhow, there were some genuine losses to mankind (and womankind too, gosh these Janana Aandolan wallas). For example, Shammi Kappor, who was one of the most original actors of Hindi cinema and was active till very last breath. Same goes for Pandit Bheemsen Joshi, who was absolutely lovable in looks and divine in singing. I personally felt sad for Vaclav Havel also, for no particular rhyme or reason, given the fact that I am almost unaware of the details of his contributions. Although Adam Gondwi, the famed Urdu poet was also inactive in the last few days but he was the last soul standing for Urdu poetry's progressive revolutionary spirit. And his deep UP, Lucknow, Gonda connections... I felt more bad than sad for the penury and apathy that surrounded his demise.

Anyways, people died before 2011 and a lot died in 2011. Others were not so lucky. Wish you more luck in coming years.

कहानियाँ जो पढ़-पढ़ के रोया

बहुत साल पहले एक किताब खरीदी थी लखनऊ में - 'बचपन में याद रही कहानियाँ'। कुछ नामी लेखकों ने बात की थी उसमें अपने बचपन में याद रही कहानी के बारे में। जब भी सोचता हूँ अपनी "बचपन में याद रही" कहानियोँ के बारे में, वही चंद नाम हैं जो बाँध लेते हैं हर बार। मज़े की बात ये है कि इनमें से हर कहानी जितनी बार पढ़ी है, हर बार रोया हूँ - कभी चुपचाप, कभी फूट-फूट कर। एक फ़ेहरिस्त:

एक बारह बरस का लड़का अमृतसर के एक बाज़ार में एक आठ बरस की लड़की से पूछता है - तेरी कुड़माई हो गयी? और वो कहती है 'धत्'। और फिर एक दिन वो 'धत्' नहीं कहती।
पच्चीस साल बाद, लहना सिंह लाम में शहीद हो जाता है अपनी 'सूबेदारनी' के लिये।
आज फिर ये कहानी पढ़ी और फिर रोया। पता नहीं क्यों और किसके लिये। सूबेदारनी - वो तो जा चुकी हज़ारा सिंह के पास! और लहना - वो तो मैं कभी हो ही नहीं पाया।
ये थी चन्द्रधर शर्मा 'गुलेरी' की  "उसने कहा था"!

दूसरी एक कहानी है शिवानी की - लाल हवेली। ताहिरा वापस आई है पाकिस्तान से अपने बचपन के शहर किसी शादी में। जहाँ वो रुकी है, वहाँ उसे खिड़की खोलते ही लाल हवेली दिखती है और उसके सामने सुधा जाती है। सुधा, जो वो कभी खुद थी, मुल्क तकसीम होने और 1947 के दंगे से पहले। वकील साहब, जिन्होंने सुधा की गुमशुदगी के बाद कभी शादी नहीं की, सुधा जो सालों से ताहिरा बन चुकी है, और बिल्वेश्वर महादेव!

कुछ और भी कहानियाँ हैं, जिन्होंने सारी सोच और अस्तित्व को झिंझोड़कर रख दिया और तब भी बार-बार पढ़ने से रुक नहीं पाया मन -

डंगर बोली - मुहम्मद मंशा याद
बंटवारा - गुलज़ार
कज़ाकी - प्रेमचंद
सिकन्दर हार गया - अमृतलाल नागर
ओ हरामज़ादे - भीष्म साहनी

जल्द ही लिखूँगा अपने पसंदीदा उपन्यासों और व्यंग्य लेखों पर भी। वैसे, उपरोक्त में से कुछ कहानियाँ मेरे पास हैं जो मेल की जा सकें। अगर चाहिये तो हो तो यहाँ अपना ई-मेल लिख देना।

Poetic geniuses - 3

Read Poetic geniuses - 1  and Read Poetic geniuses - 2

It's 80th birth anniversary of Jaun Eliya today. He was a genius beyond comparison across generations of Urdu poets, albeit much less praised than his fair share. Born in Amroha town of Ruhelkhand region of United Province of undivided India, he shifted to pakistan in 1957, after 10 years of independence. If we pose a 'What If' here, perhaps this may prove to be a bad move for his poetic career. Eliya was a communist, a radical, an anarchist, and as a consequence, not acceptable to the paksitani regime. Pakistan never bestowed upon him the deserved respect and instead, promoted mediocre but more acceptable poets.

He was a scholar of many languages, including Hindi, Sanskrit, Arabic, Urdu, Persian, English and Hebrew. After his divorce in 1984, he turned alcoholic, fell in depression, and spent many years of his creative peak in a mental asylum. That was also the time, when he created his best compositions and mastered his style of rendition. Perhaps the event which broke him the most also made him the most.


He had the freshest imagery in the new era of Urdu poetry, which replaced the great classical school of Urdu poetry. I find myself at a loss of expressions in fathoming the depth of the poetry of Jaun Eliya. It is amazing to read him and realize what a real shock his extreme simplicity can give. However, it is even grander to watch him reciting - he is a mad man; and such beauty of madness... I'd close with few couplets of Jaun Eliya.


उस की याद की बाद-ए-सबा में और तो क्या होता होगा,
यूँ ही मेरे बाल हैं बिखरे, और बिखर जाते होंगे
***
किसी लिबास की ख़ुशबू जब उड़ के आती है
तेरे बदन की जुदाई बहुत सताती है
***
क्या तकल्लुफ्फ़ करें ये कहने में
जो भी खुश है हम उससे जलते हैं
***
अजब था उसकी दिलज़ारी का अन्दाज़
वो बरसों बाद जब मुझ से मिला है
भला मैं पूछता उससे तो कैसे
मताए-जां तुम्हारा नाम क्या है
***
साल-हा-साल और इक लम्हा
कोई भी तो न इनमें बल आया
खुद ही इक दर पे मैंने दस्तक दी
खुद ही लड़का सा मैं निकल आया
***
रिश्ता-ए-दिल तेरे ज़माने में
रस्म ही क्या निबाहनी होती
मुस्कुराए हम उससे मिलते वक्त
रो न पड़ते अगर खुशी होती
***
शर्म, दहशत, झिझक, परेशानी
नाज़ से काम क्यों नहीं लेतीं
आप, वो, जी, मगर ये सब क्या है
तुम मेरा नाम क्यों नहीं लेतीं
 ***
ज़िन्दगी किस तरह बसर होगी
दिल नहीं लग रहा मुहब्बत में
***
अब फकत आदतों  की वर्जिश है
रूह शामिल नहीं शिकायत में
***
गिला है इक गली से शहर-ए-दिल की
मैं लड़ता फिर रहा हूँ शहर भर से

Another Voice

Thinking of starting another blog about economics and policy matters. I remember I had started one and couldn't be regular on that, hence deleted it pretty soon. However, progressively, I feel that I have less and less to share about my personal thought process and more and more to say about such matters. Not that there is any dearth of activities and events in personal life.... just that words and thoughts are more elusive than ever. Same way, not that my thoughts about economic matters matter... but writing may help me in formalizing structurally some thoughts.


Lets see when this lazy bum moves to do anything on this... for starters, any suggestions for the title of that blog? :)