life-less-ordinary

There is a classic movie titled "It's a Wonderful Life". The theme is pretty simple yet the direction, actors, and the juxtaposition of events made it one of the most memorable classics. The protagonist faces a lot of difficulties and finally, after a failed attempt of suicide, wishes that he had never been born. His guardian angel grants him the wish and he realizes that he had brought so many changes to so many lives and that the world was even worse without him.

How would this world look like without me?? Better?? Worse?? Even better?? Even worse?? As it happens with everyone, I cannot judge myself either. It is better left to others - unto them whom I have caressed or harassed, kissed or kicked, loved or loathed...

But I got a feeling that something somewhere has gone wrong - terribly wrong. The real problem is that I really don't understand anything of it - when, what, where, and how? On second thoughts, I feel even more terrible - I seem to know it.

I guess, the world would have been a much, much better place without me...at least for me.

As Ghalib said:

डुबोया मुझको होने ने
ना होता मैं तो क्या होता

and the tumult stretches itself even further...to force me to write:

रहा गम मुझे अपने होने का लेकिन
अगर मैं हूँ तो इसमें मेरी खता क्या