As the time ends, tum hi batao ki...

22 December, for some reason, has been a special date in my life... many important events have taken place on this date.

Last year, on this day, I had my thesis seminar... and immediately before that, a final communication, a lot of pain, crying, and also a new determination...

One year hence, life has a new meaning altogether... ab tum hi batao naa -

घर नया कपड़े नये बर्तन नये
इन पुराने कागज़ों का क्या करें

फ़ुर्सत के फ़ितूर...

I'm in Delhi today. And I can repeat this sentence tomorrow and day after as well. I'll be attending a conference tomorrow onwards so had to land up in the city which I have loved, hated, loved, hated, and so on... Perhaps the harsh memories associated with Delhi are too diluted by time... and that reminds me that Mumbai, Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Malaysia, and many more places are yet to redeem themselves.

So I am here in Qutub institutional area, somewhere near JNU. Probably North Campus of DU is nearby. I'm glad that South Campus is far away.... O-Oh.... here it comes... nothing is too diluted by time. That day is still alive inside me with all its sunshine.

Have to go to the conference dinner in the evening and thanks to that, I have had some leisure time after so long. Had a nice siesta and heard some good old songs. Done with ironing clothes too- five shirts, two trousers, two ties, and a blazer (yes, I have a long trip coming and a load of wrinkled clothes). Some two more hours of life at hand... perhaps a good opportunity to look up and correct some of my incomplete poems. Or may be I can write diary - have not written anything since July.

O-Oh.... here it comes again... Perhaps, I should do just nothing in order to avoid such dangerous things like poetry, diary writing, thinking etc. After all, all of this will turn the train of time back and I will start crumbling again. I am taking my baby steps in a new life and I want to live with no baggage of history... That is why I had decided to start afresh - from a place where there was no past, no burden, no obligation. Perhaps I should also quit blogging in order to stop visiting those places. Perhaps I should also be dead... like everybody else.

Weltschmerz

Constructing an ideal world within one's mind and comparing it with the existing world leads to a state of mind that is called Weltschmerz. It is a German word and I wonder how this time another word in another language comes to define life for me.

Once upon a time it was Koyaanisqatsi - meaning "life out of balance", a word in Hopi language of Aztecs of Arizonian desert and much before, it was Adios Amigos, Spanish for bidding adieu to friends.

I also remember Gokurousama - "Thank you for your troubles" in Japanese. Well...!!

These days, Time is the only thing I find as the biggest constraint and hence most precious too. As a direct consequence, I have been away from writing. However, I have not been away from thinking. In fact, this is a high tide time in thinking ocean. Once this tide settles and the ocean of thought pacifies, I plan and hope to be more disciplined with my time and more regular in writing here, there, and everywhere... but till then, let us live with koyaanisqatsi and with Weltschmerz. Gokurousama!!