शहर

Tomorrow, I'll begin my first trip to Lucknow after completing my fellowship at IIMA. Lucknow - the city of charms, the city of nostalgia, the city of everything I love... well, almost everything I love. Lucknow is where the heart is but somehow, I know that the Lucknow I will reach tomorrow is not the Lucknow I left five years ago. In fact, it is not the Lucknow I came back from five months ago. As obviously happens with a growing city and an upcoming metro, Lucknow has moved on. But moving on is not so easy for me. At a personal level, I will not find that Lucknow ever, where the 'life' lived. And I can never go to the 'place', where the 'life' lives.
साहिलों से कहो मैं नहीं आऊँगा
अब किसी शहर की रात मेरे लिये जगमगाये नहीं

For the past so many months, I have been planning to move away from Ahmedabad. And as always, the irony has it - my next job will be in Ahmedabad only. Although it is a fabulous place to be, I don't love it... it is not Lucknow. I just want to move away from here. There are too many memories associated with this place and to begin the life afresh, to move on, to live, sometimes it is necessary to blast away the past.
नक्शा उठा के कोई नया शहर खोजिये
इस शहर में तो सबसे मुलाकात हो गयी

I know I am blabbering randomly but there are tumultuous tides inside and I had to vent it somewhere. I know that it is not really any place I am tired or afraid of but just the pangs of change. I know that I am an idiot and I don't know how to live well... rather, I don't want to live well. For whom should I??
दुआ देते चलो उनको
जिन्हें जीना नहीं आता
जो अपने आप से मिल कर भी शायद
खुश नहीं होते!