Saturday, July 25, 2009


This is the name I gave her - Emma.

I was in class 10th, when I first saw her and that was a crush at first sight. I guess high-school crushes happen that way only - at first sight. Since I didn't know her name for very very long, I gave her a name after her school only - Emma Thompson Convent.

What we do at fifteen, I wonder, how it becomes a laughing stock only few years later. And so is it for me today. I used to plan my schedules according to hers. Every market visit for comics was tuned to her school return or her coaching classes. As a result, I used to visit bookstall at noon during summers and late evenings during winters - weather was no issue if it was for Emma.

Once I went to play cricket in her neighborhood, just because that ground was in front of her house. However, I ended up being attacked and chased by a dog and getting a severe sprain and swelling in my foot. I was forbidden to move for about a month but even that came out for good. As I was confined to my room, I used to sit in my balcony early morning and as a surprise, I came to know that Emma is friends with another girl opposite my home. So I could see her every morning when she came there before school. That was the best summer injury I ever had and most inspiring poetic mornings too.

Once she tried talking to me, when we were in the street, waiting for a procession to pass. And I was so dumbstruck, I didn't utter a word. I know I lost that moment but who knows if it would have made any difference. And once I had read the whole telephone directory to search all the addresses on her street. Eventually, I discovered a lot about her. Like - family details, address, phone number, college, courses, and seven years later, her real name too. But her real name didn't matter anymore - she was, for me, Emma, forever.

Ironically, with so many memories, I have no picture of her. I don't even have my old diary, which had an almost day by day recording - had to tear that off due to some reason. It lasted for seven long years before I finally thought of moving on. Actually I realized by then that I don't have either the guts or means to make anything possible. Perhaps that was very typical of me - by that time, I loved her feel and image more than I loved her.

I wish if she'd ever know that someone loved her so much and for so long...even, gave her a name - Emma...!!! or perhaps, she does...!!!


Parimal said...

she does man ..... still still long for more courage that day....

Meghna said...

Most of us think we love someone but infact what we love is the feeling of loving that someone; the acts we perform to please our soul and keep believing that it should have all worked out.

Trust me there are people in this world who ventured way beyond they should in their commitment and still did not make it. Solace would probably come to you knowing that atleast there is no bitter part to your love story.

Sid said...

Pari - I so know (and regret) that man... perhaps in one of the universes, I did...

Meghna - I am at much peace with the whole thing... after all, as you said, that is the only 'love' story of my life where there is no bitter part :)

Rupali said...

Ek chooti si love story..

sanya said...

loved it....EMMA


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