God...

I was reading the other day "Laughable Loves" by Milan Kundera. The book is a collection of seven stories by the Czech-Franco author. The last story - Eduard and God - is a seemingly simple story of a young man, flirting and trying to impress a girl in the communist republic. The problem is that the girl believes in God and the authority doesn't. The boy has actually never thought about God and is trying to persuade both the sides about either his beliefs or the lack of it. In the process, he puts forth very interesting arguments and insights. Although he is joyously confused about God and his existence or absence, but I can certainly identify with him.
He says, "It would be better if God didn't exist. But what can I do when here, deep down... I feel that he does exist." and one of his musings about Life was - "If I did not believe that I am living for something more than just my own Life, I probably couldn't live at all." sounds like I'm listening to my own.
In fact, I am confused not only about God but also about almost everything. That is why I liked most the idea of Douglas Adams in "The Hitch hiker's guide to the Galaxy" where God disappears in a whiff by proving his own existence. That was really neat. And also the title of a universal best-seller - "Who is this God Person Anyway?".

Not that I am atheist, agnostic, or devout - I am just confused about God - what is his form and feature, why is he the way he is, and why is he not the way he is not...and so on!!

concluding with a quote that really questions God, even if he exists:

"Man made booze, God made grass. Whom do you trust?"

P.S. - I have used God with masculine words only but I stick to my opinion (and the confusion therein), even if the God is a woman.