A.S. - There is no You. There is no Me. This you I am conversing with is me only. I know I am in a lonely place.
You would have noticed that I have not been writing lately. You would know about both the blogs being nearly dead probably but I have not been writing even elsewhere too. I have not written in my diary, I have not completed those morsels of poetry, and I have not even written on Quora or Facebook as such. I have not even written where the expectation was the highest - research papers. I have simply given up on writing, you may think. Maybe yes! But have I given up on writing alone, you may wonder!
I will tell you something today. I have given up on writing and I have given up on poetry. I have given up on photography and I have given up on traveling. I have given up on thinking and I have given up on living. I am just scraping through - counting days, breathing sighs, paying for my sins done or coming, and I am just waiting for the day when it all ends.
Someone reminded me of an old post here - about suicide! Well, suicide is a cowardice and suicide is a bravery. Am I coward or brave, you may wonder. Well, you know I am neither. I am not coward because I loved and fought for it. I am not brave because I loved and couldn't fight for it. Yet, I always fascinated about life, death, suicide, and standing on the peak of the crag of life, waiting to fall in the abyss.
And while I stand there, seeing all my life flash through, and more life passing by as I disinterestedly live on, I never thought it would be so heavy. The weight of one's own existence, the weight of a double life, the weight of living...!!!
Do you feel irritated now?
Do you want more words?
Do you still want to read on?
I am sorry but I can't help. You know I have given up.
Can I interest you in a song instead?
Go listen to Leonard Cohen -
**If I, if I have been unkind,
I hope that you can just let it go by.
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you.
Like a baby, stillborn,
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.**
You would have noticed that I have not been writing lately. You would know about both the blogs being nearly dead probably but I have not been writing even elsewhere too. I have not written in my diary, I have not completed those morsels of poetry, and I have not even written on Quora or Facebook as such. I have not even written where the expectation was the highest - research papers. I have simply given up on writing, you may think. Maybe yes! But have I given up on writing alone, you may wonder!
I will tell you something today. I have given up on writing and I have given up on poetry. I have given up on photography and I have given up on traveling. I have given up on thinking and I have given up on living. I am just scraping through - counting days, breathing sighs, paying for my sins done or coming, and I am just waiting for the day when it all ends.
Someone reminded me of an old post here - about suicide! Well, suicide is a cowardice and suicide is a bravery. Am I coward or brave, you may wonder. Well, you know I am neither. I am not coward because I loved and fought for it. I am not brave because I loved and couldn't fight for it. Yet, I always fascinated about life, death, suicide, and standing on the peak of the crag of life, waiting to fall in the abyss.
And while I stand there, seeing all my life flash through, and more life passing by as I disinterestedly live on, I never thought it would be so heavy. The weight of one's own existence, the weight of a double life, the weight of living...!!!
Do you feel irritated now?
Do you want more words?
Do you still want to read on?
I am sorry but I can't help. You know I have given up.
Can I interest you in a song instead?
Go listen to Leonard Cohen -
**If I, if I have been unkind,
I hope that you can just let it go by.
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you.
Like a baby, stillborn,
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.**
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