The Loner

I have changed my name so often,
I've lost my wife and children
but I have many friends,
and some of them are with me.

There were three of us this morning
I'm the only one this evening...

- 'The Partisan', Leonard Cohen

Yes!!! I have lost so many of my dearest ones to the hands of times and tides and to the hands of myself that there are hardly few now. And I really don't want to lose anyone anymore. I want to keep them close to me - well and forever.

But you know what - there is a sinking kind of feel that visits me more often these days, a gut feeling that I have just lost them - well, at least, few most important ones. These are the times when I realize how hollow my claims are - the incessant claims of never giving a damn about anyone. But then, there is this 'looks like freedom, feels like death' that encompasses my being, my existence, and my soul.

And howsoever absurd it might seem but I live on extremes of affection. I can love from the deepest of my heart and then I can break it all in a blink. Only I know how genuine I am when I say not to trust me and not to trust me at all. I know that there will be a day when I will leave everything and everyone. Who knows when will that day be, when I 'll say...

Call me any name you like
I will never deny it

Farewell Angelina

The sky is erupting
I must go where it's quiet.

- 'Farewell Angelina', Bob Dylan