Monday, December 10, 2007

The Loner

I have changed my name so often,
I've lost my wife and children
but I have many friends,
and some of them are with me.

There were three of us this morning
I'm the only one this evening...

- 'The Partisan', Leonard Cohen

Yes!!! I have lost so many of my dearest ones to the hands of times and tides and to the hands of myself that there are hardly few now. And I really don't want to lose anyone anymore. I want to keep them close to me - well and forever.

But you know what - there is a sinking kind of feel that visits me more often these days, a gut feeling that I have just lost them - well, at least, few most important ones. These are the times when I realize how hollow my claims are - the incessant claims of never giving a damn about anyone. But then, there is this 'looks like freedom, feels like death' that encompasses my being, my existence, and my soul.

And howsoever absurd it might seem but I live on extremes of affection. I can love from the deepest of my heart and then I can break it all in a blink. Only I know how genuine I am when I say not to trust me and not to trust me at all. I know that there will be a day when I will leave everything and everyone. Who knows when will that day be, when I 'll say...

Call me any name you like
I will never deny it

Farewell Angelina

The sky is erupting
I must go where it's quiet.

- 'Farewell Angelina', Bob Dylan

1 comment:

Himanshu Srivastava said...

"Only I know how genuine I am when I say not to trust me and not to trust me at all. I know that there will be a day when I will leave everything and everyone. Who knows when will that day be...."
Sir, these lines introduced me one more shade of you..Economics Professor, Nature Photographer, Avid Reader and Philosopher...so many roles..

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