Long long ago, when I was young and alive, I used to be confused all the times. At some times I was confused for frivolous things and at some other times, I was confused for very important things... for example, at times, I was confused about life, gods, people, future, good and evil, state of nation and so on! At other times, I was confused about the books to read, about the shirt to wear, about the channel to watch...! In essence, I was almost always confused. And in the rare moments of clouds of confusion giving way to certainty, I found myself confused again - how can there be such clarity? Is everything alright? Am I making a mistake of being too sure? And there I was - confused, again!
I somehow feel now that I enjoyed that confusion, that chaos, that struggle to get out of confusion, that process of thinking, and that overall feeling of doing something - something very substantial and very meaningful! At the same time, I always felt like pretty soon, there will be some clarity... I will become much informed, much knowledgeable, and much wiser... after all, it is just an intellectual exercise by my mind in my head's gymnasium.
Despite the struggle of so many years with my confusion, I still see no clarity! And that is very much there for all the small matters of life - like, whether should I get a job-shift or not, whether a sign is given by god or satan, what should be the direction of economy... as well as for all the really big matters of life - like whether the francolin bird's litter is still on campus for a photo-shoot or not, which book to read next, and whether to walk to home with or without camera!
The essence of it is that I have always been very very confused and although I hoped that with time, this confusion will wither away, it hasn't. and as a result, I still feel very very confused about all the matter at about almost all the times.
And now I am confused that whether this post is complete or not, has it covered everything that I wanted to say, should I publish it right away or edit it later before publishing... and how will all these answers may impact my health, growth path of economy, and end of Kaliyug, among other major and minor things!
I somehow feel now that I enjoyed that confusion, that chaos, that struggle to get out of confusion, that process of thinking, and that overall feeling of doing something - something very substantial and very meaningful! At the same time, I always felt like pretty soon, there will be some clarity... I will become much informed, much knowledgeable, and much wiser... after all, it is just an intellectual exercise by my mind in my head's gymnasium.
Despite the struggle of so many years with my confusion, I still see no clarity! And that is very much there for all the small matters of life - like, whether should I get a job-shift or not, whether a sign is given by god or satan, what should be the direction of economy... as well as for all the really big matters of life - like whether the francolin bird's litter is still on campus for a photo-shoot or not, which book to read next, and whether to walk to home with or without camera!
The essence of it is that I have always been very very confused and although I hoped that with time, this confusion will wither away, it hasn't. and as a result, I still feel very very confused about all the matter at about almost all the times.
And now I am confused that whether this post is complete or not, has it covered everything that I wanted to say, should I publish it right away or edit it later before publishing... and how will all these answers may impact my health, growth path of economy, and end of Kaliyug, among other major and minor things!
