Those who love... and lose!

Though they never met, Frasier was a contemporary of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Well, Frasier was a TV show that was aired between 1993 and 2004. The protagonist, Dr. Frasier Crane, is a psychiatrist and so is his younger brother, Niles. The series was a situation comedy but throws some good light on dimensions of psychology at times. However, that is not why I am writing this here today. I'm on the 8th season now and a discussion between the two Crane brothers hit a chord somewhere. Here is the context and the conversation:

Context: Niles has loved and idolized Daphne, the physio and household help of Frasier, for over 7 years. Finally, she gets to know of his love for her and after a lot of slips, they are finally together. However, suddenly, Daphne starts over-eating and gaining pounds. Thereafter, she goes into a therapy, loses extra pounds, and tells Niles about her therapist. Niles jokes about the therapist because she said Daphne might have been afraid of this relationship.

And that is when, the following conversation takes place between Frasier and Niles (quoted from IMDb):

Niles: Help me understand. Why is everyone acting like I've done something wrong? The only thing I am guilty of is loving Daphne, and that's all I've ever done.

Frasier: Yes, and how did you love her? From afar. You were never in love *with* her, you were in love *at* her. Now, you've been given a chance to experience her in a real relationship and yet for some reason, you're resisting it. Rather than see her as she really is, you keep holding on to the memory.

Niles: No, that's not true.

Frasier: Niles, the woman gained sixty pounds! And everyone in the world saw it but you. All you ever saw was a perfect woman in a red dress.

[long pause]

Niles: Okay. If you're right, and that's a big "if", why would I do that?

Frasier: Maybe Daphne's not the only one who's afraid she won't measure up. Maybe you're afraid too. After all, if it turns out she's not perfect, then there's a chance things won't work out. Then not only will you lose Daphne, but you'll have wasted the last seven years of your life chasing an illusion.

Ain't it the same with most of us - we love an idolized image of the one, who lives in a different world - a world of perfection. And when the love culminates into marriage, what happens? The Utopia clashes with the hard reality. The fantasy ends and the reality begins. The loved one is in front of you all the time and they are not perfect any more. The idol is broken. Perhaps that is why more love-marriages fail than the arranged ones - there is no idol to begin with.

Those, who love and win, are lucky. Those, who love and lose, are luckiest.

And the most favorite organ is....

Someone asked a few days back that if you have to rate the organs in your body, which one would be your favorite. That reminded me of some fables, read in childhood and therefore deeply ingrained. Those fables suggested that a human being is human because of his brain but what makes one a real human is the heart. Another tale told that a compassionate heart is more desirable than a genius brain. Well, therefore, I said so - the heart would be dearer than the brain. However, the words kept on playing inside my head... after some thought, I wrote a Facebook status:

"My brain? Yes, that is my second most favorite organ!"

Perhaps, i had read these words somewhere and therefore the neatness in putting it up... nonetheless, the thought process behind the quote was deep. And yet, the word-play made it a queer quip. As it happens on Facebook, the friends started to take a flight of fancy and asking about the most favorite one. I decided to keep silent there but just to show how the world often twists the thoughts... quoting some comments here (I also din't get some of them but then...): 

• And the first favorite organ is ???

• Aah sidharth ji hum dono ki soch first organ ko lekar kitni milti hai

• how romantic sir jee 

• The benefits of being a prof ! You can use your first most favorite organ more than (and almost always, before) using your second most favorite organ 

• His first most favorite organ might not necessarily be his own!

• ... I can't figure whether you cracked a dirty joke or not...

• ahaa haaa ahhhahaaaa

• Oh no, not a joke, never ! I was just exploring the logical assumptions to the Professor's statement.

• Why keep the first organ a secret? The heart? LOL.

• jo hamare paas nahi hota hai vahi hame achcha lagta hai. am i right ?

• Cha gaye guru.....phd aaj puri hui....shabash

• Which is d 1st fav organ sir ?

• people are so curious to know his favorite 'organ' !

• The first most favorite organ still under wraps !!

And now, I am gonna post this post and then post the link to this post as a comment :D

From the yearbooks of IIMA

 In this season of farewells senti-speeches, and yearbooks, I got nostalgic about the IIMA yearbooks. Here is a snippet of 2007 and 2010 yearbooks, in which yours truly got an entry!! I don't know who wrote these among the dorm juniors but whosoever that was, you are still thanked :)

The man who was afraid of himself

Just when India's economy had started on the path of globalization, I did not come directly to home from school one day. I was late by about one and a half hour, although my school was about fifteen minutes bicycle-ride away. Even in those days of low traffic and safer cities, my parents got worried and started a search for me with half the neighborhood joining them (I was a good kid, unlike now, else they'd have rented my room out, as Woody Allen's). I was not lost or kidnapped or held back... but in my regular comic-shop, selecting stickers and posters of Nagraj and Super Commando Dhruv. The store-owner had brought a new collection and I was trying to optimize my purchases with my meager means. Finally, I spent about 70 rupees, which was a royal sum for a class-five boy then, and perhaps, it even today is.

It was not just one off day however, when I was so engrossed in my super-heroes - it was all the days back then. I'd rent some comic and start reading on the walk from the shop itself. Often, I finished by the time I reached my street and immediately turned back to borrow another. I read comics on exam days and on vacations. I not merely finished them cover-to-cover but studied them thoroughly, collected paraphernalia, and often, dreamed of having the super-powers like them. I had the richest collection, knowledge, and even remembered the sequence of release of each comic-book by heart. 

Then, one fine day - I gave it all away. Nothing happened. Yet, I stopped reading comics, I distributed my collection to two of my cousins, and even stopped thinking of all the super-powers I'd like to have. It was all over - I felt that I had reached a pinnacle, beyond which either nothing is left or perhaps, I'm not capable of traversing any farther.

It had happened the same way with kite-flying a few years earlier - I flew kites of each kind, at all times, on all days, and all nights. I spotted the lines, studied the threads, and learnt aerodynamics of kites. I collected different types of threads, collected amounts of kites, and even classified everything - on days without end. And then, one fine day - it all was over. There was a fulfillment. There was an emptiness. There was everything and there was nothing. 

It happened with many other passions later on - cannot count or name them all... but in hindsight, I grew afraid of myself. If I follow something so passionately, nothing of it will remain some day. Suddenly, all of it will be gone. Or perhaps, Worse! It will be there with me and I will want no more of my passion! And why I am recounting this all over again? Because I am afraid of myself again. It is happening again. 

I started bird-photography by chance - my sister gifted me a camera and there was nothing else to click from my room at IIMA but some trees and a lot of visiting birds. Whence I clicked them, there were questions. And then, I started studying birds and trees. It kept on for years with some time-demands but never as a major hindrance. But then, the fear of the tragedy of fear struck me - I've spent almost whole of last week in cataloging the birds and trees. Sitting for long hours at office or at home, trying to click one more bird, one more pose, standing in the lawns, collecting leaves and flowers, sifting through old folders, renaming files, recalling date and place of clicking, zeroing down on species and sex, seasonal variations, special habits, properties of trees.... I am getting mad again!! 

And that is where the tragedy is - some day soon, I will leave it all - not because I may have achieved enough but because I am spent to traverse any farther. Perhaps, that is the way I am - loving truly, deeply, madly... and then, forgetting everything completely. Did that with my loves, did that with my love life, and now, I am doing it again... I am afraid of myself - truly, deeply, madly!! 

2012 - Poetry and Me

This is the only poetic involvement that I've had during 2012 - 

one talk on Gulzar's work - to celebrate Gulzar's birthday, and

another talk - tonight - on Ghalib, on Ghalib's birthday.

And also, some incomplete poems...!!!

शुक्रिया लखनऊ शुक्रिया हिमांशु वाजपेयी

इस बार लखनऊ जाना काफ़ी दिल तोड़ने वाला तजुर्बा रहा। लखनऊ हवाई अड्डे के पुराने टर्मिनल की जगह, जो लखनऊ की किसी पुरानी इमारत या पुराने दोस्त जैसा था, इस बार नया टर्मिनल मिला - किसी अन्जान अर्दली जैसा।

उसके आगे जो दिल टूटना शुरु हुए तो दस दिन तक शहर की आबोहवा से लेकर तहज़ीब तक, सड़कों से लेकर बाशिंदों तक, और लहज़े से लेकर अपनापे तक, बस, टूटते ही रहे।

इस बार पूरे दस महीने बाद लखनऊ जाने की हुमक वैसी थी जैसे अपनी पुरानी महबूबा से  मिलने का जोश। और लखनऊ का रंग कुछ ऐसा जैसे उस महबूबा को किसी और का हुआ देखना।

न पुराने दोस्त बचे थे, न पुराने अड्डे, न पुराने रास्ते, न पुरानी मंज़िलें। ऐसे में अगर पूरे शहर में कोई दिलासा देने वाली शय मिली थी तो केवल ये तस्वीर वाले साहब - कवि, पत्रकार, लेखक, मित्र, बन्धु, भ्राता, और अड्डेबाज़ी और आवारगी के साथी। इस बार लखनऊ मे अगर हिमांशु वाजपेयी जी से नहीं मिला होता (पूरे साढ़े तीन बार) तो अगली बार लखनऊ की तरफ़ कदम नहीं उठते।

शुक्रिया मित्रवर,

मेरे शहर को 

और मेरी जड़ों को 

मेरे भीतर 

जीवित रखने के लिये 

:) 

The spectrum of life...

The unusual things I did in past few days:

Bird-watching at Lodhi Garden
Gardening and pruning trees
Watched a snake cross the road in front of my car

Photography
Teaching history
Reading Ambedkar, Lohia, and Golwalkar
Yoga
Exercising with tread-mill
Cleaned up house 

Experimental Cooking
Witnessed a Bulbul and Robin fighting for a juicy grasshopper

Planned an international vacation

Air Travel for apparently no reason
Food walk in mid-night market
Attended stand-up act
Got myself a new credit card

Poetry recital without getting hooted
Put up a night out (almost)

Cracked jokes which nobody understood

Scolded people in public
Found a snake hiding behind a dustbin

Ate at Subway

Read some horoscopes

Got one research paper accepted

Raided hostels and penalized students
Hosted Antakshari on stage
Ramp walk 

Fighting with some jackasses 

Presented Bouquets 

Inaugurated a fest

Gifted books and got the book-gifts

Delivered an inaugural lecture 

Drove with full speakers on

Ate a 2 kg papaya

Listed all unusual things I did in past few days