Since last week, at least four people have told me, while talking to me on phone, that I am very silent and asked me if I am busy / I'm not interested / I am bored. It wasn't any of these. I was not busy. I was not disinterested. I was not bored. Perhaps I do not have anything left to say. Perhaps I've just fallen out with words. Perhaps something I wrote long ago is coming true now.

अपनी आवाज़ भूल जाता हूँ
कितना खामोश रह रहा हूँ मैं|

झरने लगे नीम के पत्ते

Very soon, another batch will be convocating from IIMA. It is yet another farewell season here and Senti NB is up and running again. I was a little sad last year, when my batch-mates were leaving to chase their dreams - I was going to be an almost stranger in my own place very soon. But this year, I was very much sure of not feeling anything - after all, I have very few acquaintances among my junior batch and friends - none. Yet there is a bothering about this parting too.

And this parting will be followed by long days, dense nights, and lonesome times. Summers, for the past two years at IIMA, has been like this, with hardly few people on campus and fewer around. Perhaps this is going to be the norm of my life for at least two more years till I complete my thesis and bid adieu to the beloved IIMA. For the time being, I am going to be sad, nostalgic, and joyous for the friends and foes as they fly from here to horizons. May be, I'll also leave someday just like this; however, till then, as the leaves fall, let's celebrate the parting and sadness, dreams and joys, and summers and loneliness...

झरने लगे नीम के पत्ते
बढ़ने लगी उदासी मन की|

P.S. - The above picture is taken from Perspectives NB, where it was posted by Amit Patel of IIMA.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

I've been watching a lot of FRIENDS lately. Although the show closed in 2004 after running for ten seasons, I got addicted to it recently. I usually watch one episode at a time with my daily tea - 20 minutes of tea with FRIENDS :)

What I like most about FRIENDS is their dynamics - they spend time together, eat, drink and party together, fight and pull each others' legs, play pranks, get mean, and what not; yet, they all are best FRIENDS.

But as I am, I find something or the other everywhere to get philosophical about. So here too, I find a lot of practical lessons of life. Like - how important it is to move on in life, and real friends go to any extent to do something for each other, and forgiveness is always a smile away, and no matter how much you fight, your friend'ship' never sinks.

And like every fan of FRIENDS, I too identify a lot with them... well, at least half of them. I am a cleanliness and orderliness freak like Monica; and like Ross, bookish and bore, geek, and can just put every one to sleep with my 'interests'; and like Chandler, I also keep throwing PJs to hide myself behind those laughs.

I often wonder where all the characters of FRIENDS would be now, what would they be doing, and above all, are they still F.R.I.E.N.D.S.?

"When we went to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White, I immediately fell for the wicked queen."
When Woody Allen said that, he might have been joking but for me, it goes much deeper. I wonder how does it happen with me without an exception in every single stream of life.

Few things to do in Life

One of my many 'psychological disorders' is to make lists for everything - ranging from shopping list, academic logs, friends, people I want to kill (this one is in my mind only so that I can tell everybody that they are not on the list when actually they are), superpowers I want, books wish-list, CDs collection, financial statements, daily works, things I'll do after assuming dictatorship of India, things I'll do after I win KBC. Hmmm.... realizing that there are so many lists, now I want to make a list of all the lists.
But for the time being, I am going to make a really serious list (i.e. - serious in others' eyes too). This one is about a few things that I want to do before I do the thing that can be done as easily as lying down - (In words of Woody Allen, "On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down").

1) I want to learn more languages - at least one Indian and one foreign language. Bengali and German are on my top priority because of their rich literature, heritage, and my present resources. After that, I may also think of French,Urdu, Tamil, and Hebrew in that order.

2) I want to travel. I mean, to nowhere in particular but to everywhere - African safari, Taj Mahal, Germany, Paris, Kashmir, Italy, Scandinavia, Egypt, Southern tip of India, North Eastern India, Australia, Mauritius, Goa, Israel, Badrinath-Kedarnath, Rajasthan to name a few. I don't know if ever I'll see even a small subset of this whole long list but nonetheless, I enjoy the dream.

3) I want to learn singing. I know I am too much out of tune (and all my victims can testify it) and at this age, it is too difficult to find a teacher to improve my vocal cords (I hope they are there, though my vocal abilities don't suggest so) but still, this is my wish list and if nothing, I'll learn on my own (as if that would help).

4) Some sketching and painting is also on my list. I still remember when I failed in drawing exam in class 6th - I got 11 out of 50 (and I wonder HOW??) but after that, I got this pushing feel to prove that I know drawing. So I drew and sketched and painted a lot. I passed my drawing exams easily afterwards but I still have not reached my satisfaction levels. Hence, it is still on my list.

5) Cooking. I know my taste buds fail me and I do not have an iota of an idea of those exotic dishes and all I can make is good for survival only (if you take out the enjoyment part of it). But for once, I want to cook some really good things on my own - without any guidance and supervision. I know I can do that but just waiting for a good kitchen and some free time for experimenting.

6) Although this one is coming pretty late in the list but it doesn't at all reflect the importance I attach to it - writing. I want to write some good papers, a good book on a few subjects of my interest, and last but not the least - a memoir - sorts of autobiography (although it is my hyper-optimism that people would be interested in the story of my life when nobody is interested in my life).

7) Mathematics and computers. I know just some bits and pieces of both but what I want is proficiency - at least as good as a good practitioner if not as good as a theorist. Yeah, I know my resume says that I taught maths to graduate MBA aspirants and that I know some 3-4 programming softwares but as Calvin said, "Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!"

There are few more things that I 'want' to do but since I was trying to contain myself within the limits of 'possibilities', I'll not enlist invisibility and time-machine like 'wants' here.

कुछ सम्बोधन

साँप (अज्ञेय)

साँप!
तुम सभ्य तो हुए नहीं
नगर में बसना भी
तुम्हे नहीं आया।
एक बात पूछूँ - उत्तर दोगे?
तब कैसे सीखा डसना,
विष कहाँ पाया?


गुलाब (निराला)

अबे - सुन बे गुलाब!
भूल मत गर पायी खुशबू - रंगो-आब।
खून चूसा खाद का तूने,
अरे अशिष्ट,
डाल पर इतरा रहा कैपीटलिस्ट।


आम (शरद जोशी)

आम!
तुम लँगड़े क्यों कहलाते हो?
जबकि तुम ऐसे नहीं हो:
और यदि लँगड़े न हो
तो बताओ
क्या तुम पैर वाले हो?


और एक तुम्हारे प्रति

चन्द्रा!
तुम्हारे हों ढेर सारे बच्चे
एक-दो नहीं, कम-से-कम
छ: तो हों लड़के ही लड़के!
उन्हें पढ़ाना-लिखाना
डाक्टर-इंजीनियर बनाना,
और यदि कोई निकम्मा
लिखने लगे कविताएँ
तो चन्द्रा,
उसे भी निभाना।

Today I read, "you know you are old when you spend more time thinking about money than sex". I think I am very old. In fact, I've always been very old.