The cities and the Loves

The cities I have been to... so many of them... perhaps more than 30 in India and few outside as well. And everywhere I went, I found a similar feeling - that this city is very different. Each city had its own character, its own smell, and its own story. Whenever I think of the cities I have been to, I get a whiz of fresh air, a breeze, a goose-flesh, a pain, a joy, a sadness, a memory... and a smile!

Sharing some of those smiles (or the lack of it) of Indian cities. Ought to omit Lucknow and foreign cities for the time being... Writing about foreign cities will be some other day, when I am in a more formal mood unlike emotional mood today. And writing about Lucknow is not possible for me. That is my city. That is where I belong. So that will take longer than a life to write. Well, so, here it goes:

Jaipur - You must be luckiest city of life so far! I mean, every time we met, you welcomed me with poetry, literature, pleasant experiences, amazing food, nice friends, hugs from Gulzar, blessings from Nizam Sahab, love from Aadil Bhai, and what not! I never had a reason or plan to meet you and yet, you have been a great buddy. You are like that first crush of school days, where all days are happy days and nothing can go wrong.

Calcutta - I visited you for the first time in 2004. I almost hated you, except some small patches of joy. You were sweaty, grumpy, tiring, dirty, and scary. Then, I got to meet you again in 2008 and then, almost every year since 2011. I am sorry that I hated you for so long. The Ganges is majestic, the monuments are magnificent, and there is a whiff of erudition in the air. Although that whiff is mostly hollow blabber, the air is thick with pollution, and smoking is as common as worst kind of poverty-ridden human existence; I don't know why everybody is so happy. Perhaps, when they labelled you as the City of Joy, they were right! You are like that love of graduation days, where there is no money and no hand-holding but something made us fly above clouds.

Varanasi - I have met you twice. You amused, mesmerized, and confused me each time. There was an aura of sanctity mixed with insanity, roots mixed with rots, and glamour mixed with garbage. Your mannerism was questionable yet quintessential. Your hospitality was puzzling yet pure. Your people were abhorrent yet admirable. You are like that class-topper, simple, beautiful, suave girl, whom we all observed and obsessed, liked and leered, tried talking and talking but everything was always from a sacrosanct distance.

Delhi - We have met so many times. Initially, you were a stranger, and a rude one at that. But we kept meeting anyways, more out of compulsion than choice. Sometimes I passed through your airports, sometimes I stayed for a day or two to hop-off to somewhere else. Sometimes, I tried exploring you as well - your museums and monuments, your people and parks, your surroundings and systems. You became more and more welcoming. You opened up to me. You served me with utmost hospitality. But there is something missing. I do not feel anything for you. You are like that girl of the college days, who had a crush on me but her affection remained unrequited.

Kanpur - I have met you a few times. Every time, you were filthy, unfruitful, and unfriendly. And despite this, you were always cocky about something useless. I don't know why we ever had to meet. You are like that neighborhood girl, who can scare the witches but behaves as the ultimate demoiselle.

Mumbai - You were my first city outside Lucknow. And you always scared me. Rather, even today, you scare me. Why are you so big and so busy and so bustling with something or the other all the time?! Well, I have met you so many times that despite this scare, there is a comfort and a coziness in your lap. Once I got the hang of the people, the places, the sea, and the trains, you have showered me with a very safe and nice feeling. I still can't live with you but I love meeting you every time. You are like that mature love that grew out of friendship and even if it didn't culminate into anything material, it is always a treasure.

Bangalore - I am familiar with you. I have met you so many times, in so many ways, with so many relations, explored almost every corner of you, with almost every mode of transport, seen your trees, your birds, your people, your CCDs, your jams, your markets, your societies, your hotels, your malls... and despite seeing so much, I feel a distance from you. The warmth is missing between us. No excitement in coming, no butterflies in stomach in staying, no sinking feeling in going back. You are like that marriage sans love, which we both live through.

A Convocation Message

Few weeks back, the Media Committee of IIMI wrote to me asking for a message to the convocating batch... Although I had written something immediately, it took me almost half a day in pondering whether I should click that send button or not! I decided eventually to send the mail rather than discarding it. The message was straight-forward, caustic, abrasive, and harsh. More importantly, it was a heart-felt truth that emanated out of genuine and emotional concern.

I do not know if it was finally included in the yearbooks or not... since I haven't got any reactions, I presume it wasn't. As I think more, I realise that this message is not limited to the convocating batch but to a much larger population... to the present generation perhaps. A lot can be said, explained, and argued... anyhow, the message was as follows:


Well, this is a message you may not like.... it is not a very pleasant one but I could write only this in all my honesty!

Dear Batch of 2012-14,

You were a perfectly not - normal batch... meaning a batch not depicting a perfect normal curve. Rather, you were a batch with a thinner upper-tail and a fatter lower-tail than normal.

There have been some really nice people, who were a sheer pleasure to work and interact with... very nice and responsible people... receptive and responsive people.,... not necessarily the book-worms, teachers' pet, or "maggu" types. I know they will set milestones in the years to come and will make the institute and the nation proud.

Then, there were more from the lower-tail - selfish, cribbers, irresponsible, rebel without a cause, restless without a clue, seeking rights without responsibility, making demands without behaving, reckless, unkind, impolite, and so on... again, not necessarily the top or bottom of the grading curves!

And then, there were most of you - the middle of the curve people... ideally distributed across the normal curve but actually, swayed more by the fat lower-tail than the thin upper-tail. People without a character of their own, without a thought in their head, people who just wanted to be accepted by the crowd. I hope you develop a spine and a head some day soon instead of surviving in a post-metamorphosis Kafkan room.

Overall, I wish you best of luck (many would need it) and lot more sensibility (many more would need much more of it) to be a good person!!

With Best wishes, 

The year of Wanderlust

As always, January brings in promises of prospects and hopes of highs. As always, December closes with lessons of losses and reminders of regrets. I used to do a yearly stock-taking till I was in Ahmedabad. After that, things changed one after another. First, the year end stock-taking stopped and then, diary writing itself. So much so that this blog may also breath its last some day soon, perhaps!

Anyhow, for a change, as 2013 counts its last moments, I am trying to look back at those 364 days so far. Was it a year passed by too quickly to fulfill all those plans or was it a year moved too slowly to squeeze life out of life? Well, as most other things I don't know, I don't know this either. But some special events can, nevertheless, be counted.

If 2013 can be said to stand out for any thing, it must be travel - the year of wanderlust. I traveled almost through out the year, for official reasons and for personal, to exotic places and to dumps, lived luxuriously and just survived, stayed long or transited, went alone and with large groups, and Ohhh... what not!! A small list would help, perhaps, for future reference. 

So Indore as workplace and Lucknow as hometown are obvious in the list. Visited Ahmedabad, Kolkata, Gurgaon, Bangalore, Mumbai, Delhi probably nth time and for n number of times - all for official reasons though but I stole some time to go around, relive some old moments, and meet with friends. Visited Ranganathittu in Mandya and Karnala in Raigad for bird-watching and could have covered Unnao also but for the Lakhnawi laziness in winter mornings. Interestingly, official visits took me to Kathgodam and Nainitaal after merely 4 months of a personal vacation in Mussoorie and Haridwar. Had a quick visit to Goa for, probably, fifth or sixth time. 

As I recall, the first travel of the year was to the Maha-Kumbh of Prayaag via Raibareilly and Pratap Garh and the year's last travel was to Varanasi, with a quick excursion to Chunaar in Mirzapur. So in essence, started the year of Wanderlust with Ganges in Prayaag, visited Ganges in the middle of the year at Haridwar, and ended it in the lap of Ganges at Varanasi.

What else did I do through the year? Well, visited a lot of old friends - Gun & Meha, SSS & Pavitra, Brajesh & Ranjana, Prageet & Chanchal (and a new friend - few months' old Sher Khan), Megha & Dibbi, Tripti & Vipul, Mahesh & Lakshmi, Madhura and Rohan, Parimal and Vipul, and many from good old days. Also met almost all of my favorite professors at LU and IIMA. Met with many wonderful people and hopefully, will remain in touch to learn a lot from them - Priyanshi Srivastava, Manish Shukla, Anshul Shukla, Ashutosh Pandey, Saurabh Yadav, and many more! Made a lot of enemies also but that is okay - reminds me that I still can stand against things I cannot stand. 

Ahh.... the year was not so bad after all... yes, I couldn't write much - neither poetry nor research papers; yes, I couldn't meet all the people I so dearly miss; yes, I couldn't change all the things in the world I wanted; yes, I couldn't do all the things I wished, planned, or desired... but hey, there is still few years left for me to do all that... perhaps, 2014 will fill the gaps. And if not, 2015 is not far away, you see!! 

The confused quack

"I was just thinking of you!" or "You were missed!" are often delightful words to hear, right? Lately, I am hearing the same a lot... and yet, I am confused if that is really a compliment. I'll tell you why.

After joining IIM Indore in June 2010, I started a series of nature walks on this 200-acre semi-wild campus and started a bird-watching initiation workshop in 2012. Between 2012 and 2013, in some fine moment of madness, I started clicking and sharing the trees, herbs, plants, shrubs, spiders, moths, butterflies, insects, snakes, foxes, hares, and in short, every creature other than the despicable humans. And as it happens in a small community of about 2000 people, I got a reputation of all things nature now.

So few days back, as I was whiling away a perfect siesta-worthy afternoon in chasing a fantail with my camera, I heard the same words. "I was just thinking of you!" said my nature-enthusiastic nice neighbor. And I was presented with this to click:

Its a pair of (presumably) some close relative of ladybug with 12 of their eggs. It was an amazing catch and a magnificent site, specially because the naked eye could make out that there is something inside those eggs. 

Similarly, on a tired Sunday evening, I got a call from a friendly student. There was a large bird on the floor of the hostel, not able to walk or breath. By the time I could cover the distance, I got another call that the poor soul has left the world. I anyways reached the spot. It was a female of an Indian cuckoo. There was no mark of injury or age, so it must have been a stroke at the wrong time. After some thought, we ended the evening with a decent burial.

I got yet another call on busy office Wednesday noon last week. I was told that, near the medical center, there is a very small and beautiful bird, which is injured or something, and hence, not able to fly or even move. Looking at the pile of work, I decided to miss it this time. Not only because there were urgent things to do but also because I know that I am no better than a quack, when it comes to doctoring the wildlife. Anyhow, I decided that the work may wait for some more time and I need to see, if I can really do anything for a bird's life.

As I locked my office and rushed to the spot, I found four people surrounding and trying to nurse an injured Coppersmith Barbet. I quickly dispersed the crowd, which would have been making the poor Barbet even more nervous. Finally, with the help of a student, I managed to inspect the body and we found a bruise in the belly. We put some soframycin on that first. Then we checked wikipedia for the diet of a Barbet. Its favorite banyan berries are not sold in human markets, so we looked around for the next closest thing. We tried some banana pulp but it didn't eat any.

After making sure that all I could do is done, I left the spot with the Barbet on a high pedestal with some water and banana pulp. It survived the day with signs of improvement - better and stronger movement but still no flight. Sadly, the next day, it left for the other world, leaving only some beautiful pictures with us.

I really hate getting those nursing calls now - I know I am good for nothing in such cases. But for others, I am the only one to know that that small, beautiful, injured bird was a barbet. I guess, I will keep getting the calls. Better I start learning yet another trait. May be, I will share a rescue story next time, where I actually rescued the bird and it flew away to glory. And at the same time, I wish there is no next time to see an injured bird. 

Would this suffice as a good-enough title or not?!?!

Long long ago, when I was young and alive, I used to be confused all the times. At some times I was confused for frivolous things and at some other times, I was confused for very important things... for example, at times, I was confused about life, gods, people, future, good and evil, state of nation and so on! At other times,  I was confused about the books to read, about the shirt to wear, about the channel to watch...! In essence, I was almost always confused. And in the rare moments of clouds of confusion giving way to certainty, I found myself confused again - how can there be such clarity? Is everything alright? Am I making a mistake of being too sure? And there I was - confused, again!

I somehow feel now that I enjoyed that confusion, that chaos, that struggle to get out of confusion, that process of thinking, and that overall feeling of doing something - something very substantial and very meaningful! At the same time, I always felt like pretty soon, there will be some clarity... I will become much informed, much knowledgeable, and much wiser... after all, it is just an intellectual exercise by my mind in my head's gymnasium.

Despite the struggle of so many years with my confusion, I still see no clarity! And that is very much there for all the small matters of life - like, whether should I get a job-shift or not, whether a sign is given by god or satan, what should be the direction of economy... as well as for all the really big matters of life - like whether the francolin bird's litter is still on campus for a photo-shoot or not, which book to read next, and whether to walk to home with or without camera!

The essence of it is that I have always been very very confused and although I hoped that with time, this confusion will wither away, it hasn't. and as a result, I still feel very very confused about all the matter at about almost all the times.

And now I am confused that whether this post is complete or not, has it covered everything that I wanted to say, should I publish it right away or edit it later before publishing... and how will all these answers may impact my health, growth path of economy, and end of Kaliyug, among other major and minor things! 

SHaPE of India

Just finished teaching the second frequency of the course - SHaPE (Social, Historical, and Political Economy) of India. This was for undergrad students and pretty soon, I'd start a variation of the same course for doctoral students. The basic idea emanated from wide-spread ignorance and misinformation about Indian history, polity, and economy. The focus is, although, India and Indian economic development particularly post 1947 and post 1991 reforms, we have discussed things as varied as Yom Kippur, Sun Yat Sen, Lohia, Sikhs, Marathas, Hijarat, Ambedkar, Marx, Daahir, World Wars, Mongols, Incas, Brettonwoods and what not...

It was heartening to see great response from the undergrads as well as from doctoral students. Interestingly, this year, the post-graduate (MBA) students have also demanded the same. I hope for an equally wonderful experience with their class as well. meanwhile, here is some more information on the course - one may use the same for academic and any other non-commercial purposes, with due acknowledgement of course!

Course Modules
Module 1: History - A historical look at the economics, politics, and society of India
Module 2: Economics – A select sectoral and industry level analysis of Indian economy
Module 3: Socio-Political – Analysis of social and political issues from an economic perspective

We started with the very basic argument - as a business management student, why should one study history? That too social or political history! We also spent some time of how to read history and why Indian history is not linear but more complicated than most other civilizations. Then, we took a cursory look at the ancient and medieval era, British era, and the struggle for independence. Thereafter, we talked for most portion of the course about the interaction of economics and politics during 1947 to 1990, including our foreign relations, development experience, and the underlying ideological / philosophical underpinnings of the economic policy framework. Finally, we analyzed reforms in some detail and also took a leap of faith in predicting / posing future scenarios for India - social, political and economic as well.

The analysis perspective has been driven more by approach, philosophy, and impact-assessment; whereas, facts and figures remain a fringe motivator and guide to the discussion. It was expected that by the end of the course, the participants are aware of evolution eras of India’s social, political, and economic structures and are able to provide an informed commentary on relevant topics. The students made life miserable for me by asking reading too much and asking too much... as a result, I had to study even harder. But at the end, I am glad that all of us were left more informed and more curious to understand the SHaPE of India. 

Poetic Geniuses - 6

Find earlier posts on Poetic Geniuses Here and Here.

Circa 1997, I was in class 10th, when I started pursuing Hindi-Urdu poetry actively as an enthusiast. I was lucky to chance upon two books at that time, which made me understand the depths of poetry in great detail.

Second book was "दीवान-ए-ग़ालिब" by Ali Sardar Jaafri, which had meanings of difficult Urdu words as well as contextual explanations, wherever required. That helped me in understanding Urdu and setting the technical details for future years of writing.

The first book, although did not bestow any great technical skill like the second one, was more influential, for it made me fall in love with the sheer joy of Urdu poetry. The book was "ujaale apni yaadon ke" (उजाले अपनी यादों के) by Bashir Badr. Here is quoting some select verses from him... as always, this is just indicative and many great gems may remain hidden. If you want more pearls, take a dive yourself  :)

चाँद ने रात मुझको जगा कर कहा
एक लड़की तुम्हारा पता ले गई

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मुख़ालिफ़त से मेरी शख़्सियत सँवरती है
मैं दुश्मनों का बड़ा एहतराम करता हूँ

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वही ताज है वही तख़्त है वही ज़हर है वही जाम है

ये वही ख़ुदा की ज़मीन है ये वही बुतों का निज़ाम है

बड़े शौक़ से मेरा घर जला कोई आँच न तुझपे आयेगी

ये ज़ुबाँ किसी ने ख़रीद ली ये क़लम किसी का ग़ुलाम है

मैं ये मानता हूँ मेरे दिये तेरी आँधियोँ ने बुझा दिये

मगर इक जुगनू हवाओं में अभी रौशनी का इमाम है

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अजीब शख़्स है नाराज़ होके हंसता है

मैं चाहता हूँ ख़फ़ा हो तो वो ख़फ़ा ही लगे

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मोहब्बतों में दिखावे की दोस्ती ना मिला

अगर गले नहीं मिलता तो हाथ भी ना मिला

घरों पे नाम थे, नामों के साथ ओहदे थे

बहुत तलाश किया कोई आदमी ना मिला

तमाम रिश्तों को मैं घर पे छोड आया था

फिर इसके बाद मुझे कोई अजनबी ना मिला

बहुत अजीब है ये कुरबतों की दूरी भी

वो मेरे साथ रहा और मुझे कभी ना मिला

खुदा की इतनी बड़ी कायनात में मैंने

बस एक शख्स को मांगा मुझे वही ना मिला

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मेरी शोहरत सियासत से महफ़ूज़ है

ये तवायफ़ भी इस्मत बचा ले गई

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वो बड़ा रहीम-ओ-करीम है मुझे ये सिफ़त भी अता करे

तुझे भूलने की दुआ करूँ तो दुआ में मेरी असर न हो

मेरे बाज़ुओं में थकी-थकी, अभी महव-ए-ख़्वाब है चांदनी

न उठे सितारों की पालकी, अभी आहटों का गुज़र न हो

***

आस होगी न आसरा होगा

आने वाले दिनों में क्या होगा

मैं तुझे भूल जाऊँगा इक दिन

वक़्त सब कुछ बदल चुका होगा

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मुझसे बिछड़ के ख़ुश रहते हो

मेरी तरह तुम भी झूठे हो

तुम तन्हा दुनिया से लड़ोगे

बच्चों सी बातें करते हो

***

दुश्मनों की तरह उस से लड़ते रहे

अपनी चाहत भी कितनी निराली रही

***

मेरे साथ तुम भी दुआ करो यूँ किसी के हक़ में बुरा न हो

कहीं और हो न ये हादसा कोई रास्ते में जुदा न हो

वो फ़रिश्ते आप ही ढूँढिये कहानियों की किताब में

जो बुरा कहें न बुरा सुने कोई शख़्स उन से ख़फ़ा न हो

***

मैं ख़ुद भी एहतियातन, उस गली से कम गुजरता हूँ

कोई मासूम क्यों मेरे लिए, बदनाम हो जाए

उजाले अपनी यादों के हमारे साथ रहने दो

न जाने किस गली में, ज़िंदगी की शाम हो जाए

***

इतनी मिलती है मेरी गज़लों से सूरत तेरी 

लोग तुझ को मेरा महबूब समझते होंगे । 

***

वो ज़ाफ़रानी पुलोवर उसी का हिस्सा है 

कोई जो दूसरा पहने तो दूसरा ही लगे । 

***

लोग टूट जाते हैं एक घर बनाने में 

तुम तरस नहीं खाते बस्तियां जलानें में। 

***

पलकें भी चमक जाती हैं सोते में हमारी, 

आँखों को अभी ख्वाब छुपाने नहीं आते ।

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सर झुकाओगे तो पत्थर देवता हो जाएगा । 

इतना मत चाहो उसे, वो बेवफ़ा हो जाएगा ।

हम भी दरिया हैं, हमें अपना हुनर मालूम है, 

जिस तरफ़ भी चल पड़ेंगे, रास्ता हो जाएगा । 

कितना सच्चाई से, मुझसे ज़िंदगी ने कह दिया, 

तू नहीं मेरा तो कोई, दूसरा हो जाएगा । 

मैं ख़ुदा का नाम लेकर, पी रहा हूँ दोस्तो, 

ज़हर भी इसमें अगर होगा, दवा हो जाएगा । 

सब उसी के हैं, हवा, ख़ुश्बू, ज़मीनो-आस्माँ, 

मैं जहाँ भी जाऊँगा, उसको पता हो जाएगा ।

रूठ जाना तो मोहब्बत की अलामत है मगर.

क्या खबर थी मुझसे वो इतना खफा हो जायेगा.

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